


The Devil and the Damage Done

by thegoodthebadandthenerdy



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Angst, Gen, Post-Episode: e067-069 Story and Song Parts 1-3, Sad Ending, au where lup wasnt in the umbrella, but im super proud of the writing so i gotta post it, this is rlly just not a fun time for anyone
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-03
Updated: 2018-11-03
Packaged: 2019-08-11 12:38:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,339
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16475720
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thegoodthebadandthenerdy/pseuds/thegoodthebadandthenerdy
Summary: Lucretia has been making decisions for decades, but this is the last one she'll make for Lup.





	The Devil and the Damage Done

**Author's Note:**

> this is a remnant of my angst week tht i found while cleaning out my drafts and said hey! i should post this!
> 
> the slight au is tht instead of being in the umbrella, lup was out and abt in a life lucretia had made for her, but at some point she met up w thb, though her memories were obviously wiped
> 
> title from kita alexander's damage done which has no bearing on the tone of this story i just liked how it sounded gksjfks

Lucretia knew she couldn't hold out any longer. Things were happening too fast, there was too much riding on them remembering. Too many lives.

Briefly, her mind turned to the lives lost. She wondered, sickly, if maybe that count wouldn't be so high, if maybe they'd remembered sooner. Phandolin would've been a non-starter if they'd just had Lup-

The realization lands like a punch in the gut. Taako has to remember, Magnus has to remember, Merle and Davenport, too. They must all be fully inoculated.

But Lup, sunshine and laser beams, Lup has to remember, too. It's the only way. The Twins must be united, every bird must leave their nest.

Lucretia, had always been the mighty oak. She was unbreakable, forever standing watch over where she'd been planted. But in that moment, she feels her roots crack, feels her branches sway.

She's toppling; a timeless woman felled - once more, once again - because she doesn't have enough time.

"Lup." 

It's the only word she can get out. 

She took Taako's sister, but he got her back.

She took Magnus's origin, his home, but he made a new one, again and again.

She took Merle's faith, but he found it anew.

She took Barry's love, but he found her, come hell or high water.

She took her own family, but in the end, she got them back.

And from Davenport she took everything, _everything_ , but his name, and yet that was all he needed, still knowing himself in those nine letters.

But from Lup she took the worst. She took and took, and then she took her chance to try again.

She fell to her knees, hand still clutching her staff - white oak, the irony was not lost on her. From her mouth bubbled a laugh, darkened around the edges, and full of hatred. For herself and for the things she'd done, the things she'd never forgive herself for even if those is question did.

But slightly, ever so slightly, laughter turns to tears, until there she sits, sobbing, grieving, on her knees, head bent, begging for forgiveness from a god who can't hear her, and whose audience she wouldn't dare marr with the soot-covered footprints from all the ashes she'd walked through to get there.

Lup had been her best friend. Yes, she had a special bond with Magnus, had a way of communication with Taako, and silent camaraderie with Barry, but Lup.

Those 100 years flashed before her, broken promise after broken promise.

Cycle 23: "It's just you and me, Tia." / "Sorry." / "Why're you sorry? I get a break from my pining and my dingus brother, and a whole cycle with my cool, new, best friend."

Cycle 57: They'd found the Light quickly, a prosperous city made of glass welcoming them for their remaining days. Lucretia had spent many of her days holed up in the Great Library, but Lup was always there. To pull her out of a book, out of the building, out of her head. 

Cycle 82: A crash landing. Split seconds of darkness interspersed by flashing sirens and the crackle of fire. Lup's ash-covered hand clasping hers so she wouldn't have to die alone.

And so many more because Lup was always there. Lup was always there for everyone, but especially Lucretia, and the most that Lucretia had ever done for her was rip away her life.

"I'm so sorry," she heaved, knowing Lup couldn't hear her, hoping that she wouldn't care to because the idea of facing her in the light of the reality she'd created was too much.

"Lou, I'm so sorry."

\---

Lup remembers.

She remembers everything.

In front of her stands Magnus, one of the best men and friends she's ever known, his eyes watering as the rest of his life, the carved out pieces, all flood him at once.

Davenport is on his knees, murmuring soft and simple prayers and thanks, words he hasn't had the capability of using in far, far too long. 

Merle is in a trance, flexing his tree hand over and over, a far away look in his eyes.

And then there's Taako. Her brother. She sees their childhood, their adventures, it's all mapped before her, and she launches at him to pull him into a hug, her hands scrabbling against the hair down his back.

"Koko," she huffs. 

"Hey, Lulu," he murmurs, tears evident in only his tone.

And for a moment, Lup has her family back.

\---

When all is said and done, the final note of the Day of Story and Song played, the lonely bookkeeper sits upon a crumbled throne.

The ghost crown that once seemed to lift her head high now weighs down every ounce she has left. She's watched everything crumble, but now she herself has to break, as is the way of things strong for too long.

She hears footsteps from behind her, but doesn't make any move to lift her head. She's known them for over a century. Thought she'd hear them for a century more, but now….

The single twin, a card seperated from its suit, Queen without its Joker, sits down, pressing her back to that of the bookkeeper.

They don't speak at first, even the weight of her perfectly okay and alive body too much for the bookkeeper to handle.

And then.

"Tia."

And oh, oh how that burns. Letters once spoken out of love and familiarity are now hardened and too much like foreign-tongue in her mouth.

"Yes, Lou?"

"You took everything from me."

It's a simple enough statement. Five words that couldn't possibly sum up everything she'd done, but somehow, with the right fire, did. She shouldn't be surprised, the other has always been one for concise words placed right at the point.

"I know."

"I don't want your apologies."

"I know."

And she did. It was why she hadn't offered one of the several itching in her writer's fingertips. The words clung to her like water-logged clothes and she simply let them - she was already carrying weight, what was a few more pounds?

"Lucretia, how could you do it?"

Oh, they were back to first names. Real names.

"I don't know."

Words spoken in honesty.

"How did you look at me, let me-" her words stopped to make way for some broken sob. "I forgot everything Taako and I had been through. I forgot Barry. I forgot everything except what was in front of me.

"I want to be mad. I want to kick and scream. I want to hate you, Lucretia."

"Why don't you, then, Lup?"

"Because somewhere in there is my best friend. The woman I trusted more than anything. Who I told everything to. Who held me when I cried and made me laugh when I needed it most. You know that, don't you? Taako's my brother, but you- you were my best friend."

"Lup-"

"I don't want it."

"Then what do you want?"

Pleading, childish, undeserving.

"To say goodbye. To close this chapter. I don't hate you, but I don't trust you, and I can't afford to waste anymore time with people I can't trust."

And it's fair. It's fair, it's fair, it's fair.

But it hurts like _hell_.

"I don't speak for Taako, but for the first time, in a long time, I speak for me. Please don't call and don't write me. Leave me out of whatever narrative you create."

"Okay."

Okay? _Okay?_ That's all you have to offer? she asks herself.

But it's all she has left to give, and give she must, after so long of taking.

"Okay."

The bookkeeper feels the weight leave her back, hears familiar boots hit the ground.

"You were my best friend, too. I never found the words to tell you, ironic, no? A journalist at a loss for words."

But there's no laugh, no responding joke, no banter or familiarity. 

Because the twins are reunited, somewhere else on that plane, rebuilding family, seeking normalcy.

And the bookkeeper. Well, she's just alone.

She always knew it would end this way.

**Author's Note:**

> woo! pain!
> 
> i'm on tumblr @wlwshehulk


End file.
